Issue No. 2 | The Space In-Between

There are seasons of life when you can almost see what’s waiting for you on the other side. You know where you’re going, you’re excited about what’s ahead, and you think, Okay… this is it. This is the moment everything changes.

That’s how I felt going into this month.

My daughter and youngest child (the only one still at home) started school for the very first time after being homeschooled since the beginning of her education. I was excited for her—and honestly, excited for me, too. I imagined all the hours I would suddenly have in my studio, diving headfirst into my art career, painting for hours, and finally having uninterrupted time to pursue the work that has been calling me.

But life, as it tends to do, had other things in mind.

This month has also brought some unexpected stress and some hard moments. I had a breast biopsy that thankfully turned out well, but the experience was scary. Our house renovation continues to move forward, but not without a great deal of stress and frustration along the way. And then there was the surprisingly emotional experience of watching my daughter step into a new chapter.

I was happy for her. I was grateful. I was excited. And I was sad. I didn’t expect those feelings to coexist quite so strongly.

I also didn’t expect, with more time on my hands, I would sometimes find myself procrastinating instead of painting. There were days when I knew exactly what I wanted and needed to do, but I didn’t feel like doing it. I realized I wasn’t avoiding the work. I was avoiding the feelings underneath the work.

I think that’s an important thing to acknowledge. We can want something deeply and still struggle when we finally get it.

So I’ve been practicing something that doesn’t come naturally to me: giving myself grace in the transition.

I’ve rested when my body needed rest. I’ve let myself feel the sadness instead of immediately trying to fix it or numb it. And I’ve also stepped into the studio and created through the uncomfortable emotions.

I’m learning that getting from Point A to Point B isn’t always a straight line. Sometimes it’s a whole season of becoming in between. And that’s kinda where I am right now.

I’m not where I was. I’m not quite where I’m going. I’m somewhere in the middle—learning, adjusting, creating, resting, feeling, and slowly finding my rhythm again.

I’m trying to remember that the in-between isn’t wasted time. It’s part of the process.

If you’re in a season where things aren’t moving as quickly as you’d hoped, where you’re excited about what’s ahead but still carrying something from what came before, I hope you’ll give yourself permission to be there. Blooming takes time.

With love,

Tonia

This month’s Bloom

Ask yourself, “What do I need?” For 15 minutes, stop trying to do what you think you should be doing. Instead ask:

What do I need right now?

Maybe the answer is rest, or a walk, or sit quietly with a cup of coffee. Maybe it’s to write, or paint, or do the thing you’ve been avoiding. Then honor the answer for just 15 minutes—without judging it.

Rest isn’t always resistance. Productivity isn’t always progress. Sometimes the wisest thing we can do for ourselves is to listen closely enough to know exactly what we need.